At Zucker Steinberg Sonstein & Wixted, P.C., we realize that being confronted with legal issues can be a traumatic experience, and that your comfort level is important. As such, we never take ourselves too seriously -- you have enough to worry about without having to deal with someone's ego. Thus, we're willing to make lawyer jokes -- hey, we laugh at them, too -- in order to help you to relax and understand that our primary focus is helping you, not making ourselves look better.

Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

A woman who was diagnosed as being terminally ill was told she needed a brain transplant using a 1-1/2 pound brain. She was also informed that a 1-1/2 pound brain of a surgeon would cost $500 and the 1-1/2 pound brain of a movie star $600. She replied that since her father had been a famous lawyer she would prefer a lawyer brain. Thats fine, she was told, but that will cost you $10,000.

"What?" she replied incredulously. "If a surgeon's brain only costs $500, why does a lawyers brain cost $10,000?"

"Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to get 1-1/2 pounds of brain?" the doctor replied.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Q. Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?
A. New Jersey had first choice.

Q. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A. Another lawyer.